Last night’s edition of Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report” featured host Stephen Colbert talking about Hank Williams Jr. and his comments on President Obama. Colbert: “I want to apologize if I seem a little off tonight. It's all because of some controversial statements country star Hank Williams Jr. – Bocephus to his superfans – made (Monday) on ‘Fox & Friends.’” The show aired the footage from Williams’ appearance. After Williams said Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner playing golf together was akin to Hitler and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu golfing together, Colbert said, “Wow! Even the ‘Fox & Friends’ were taken aback. They're not used to hearing that sort of thing from people who don't work for the network.” Colbert: “But tragically, ESPN caved to the ‘we shouldn’t compare the President to Hitler’-estapo. So last night’s ‘Monday Night Football’ did not begin with Hank Williams Jr. asking the eternal question, ‘Are you ready for some football!?’ And nation, not hearing that song left me dangerously unprepared for some football. I'm in my living room innocently watching a Chevy Silverado ad. Suddenly, a bunch of gigantic, angry men in shiny tights start hitting each other. … It was hours before I realized it was some football and needless to say, I was not ready for it. Well I'm sorry ESPN, you can disagree with a man's politics but you have no right to rob the American people of the proper procedures of football preparation” (“The Colbert Report,” Comedy Central, 10/4).
Nets F Kris Humphries and his wife, Kim Kardashian, appeared together on NBC’s “The Tonight Show” last night, with host Jay Leno introducing them by saying, “My first guests are perhaps the most famous newlyweds in the country.” Leno noted that Kardashian said she would never date tall guys – Humphries is 6’9’’ – and she said, “There's something about tall guys that scare me a little bit, but Kris is different. He wasn't scary.” Leno told Humphries, “You know, when you marry, you don't just marry a Kardashian. You marry ‘The Kardashians.’” Humphries: “I’m still meeting new ones.” Kardashian said, “I was warning Kris because it's kind of difficult. He wasn't really use to all of this tabloid stuff, so it was like, watch. As soon as we start dating, we're going to be getting engaged, then married – and all of that happened – but then it’ll be all the baby rumors, then it’ll be one's cheating and one's this and one's that.” Humphries: “We haven't gotten to that, yet” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 10/4).
MONOLOGUES:
CBS’ David Letterman: “Are you aware of what's going on in the political scene locally across the river with the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie? He was going to run for President and today he made it official, he will not be running for President. I honestly think he made the right decision because think about it this way: Do we really want a president who looks like an American League umpire? He would have been the first American president visible from space. Whenever he would address some sort of public gathering the Marine Band would play ‘Hail to the Chef.’ … It would have been a problem if Governor Christie decided he was going to run because the Republicans then would have to choose between Chris Christie and Rick Perry. That's a difficult choice. One is morbidly obese and the other one is morally obtuse. … Are you folks feeling the economy? It's just gone crazy on us. Here in New York City, it's very bad. Unemployment in New York City is like 9.2%. I'm telling you, the only thing not going out of business here in New York City right now are the ‘Going Out of Business’ stores. … I'm not worried about the economy. Are you worried? How many people are actually worried about the economy? I've got all my money in Rick Perry hunting camps, so I'm not worried. … Amanda Knox is back home with her family in Seattle. She's going to take a couple days off to relax and then we’re going to see her on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ … Four years in an Italian prison, seems like only yesterday that she led Italian police on a low speed chase in the white Bronco. … Its Nobel Prize season, and earlier today they announced the winner for the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. Charlie Sheen” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/4).
NBC's Jay Leno: “It's starting to feel like fall, isn't it? It's starting to get cool, especially back east. In Chicago, it was nippier than a Nancy Grace dance routine. … The big losers last night on ‘Monday Night Football’: the Colts and Hank Williams Jr. ESPN pulled Hank Williams Jr. from the opening of last night's ‘Monday Night Football’ game after he compared President Obama to Adolf Hitler. You know, that means we can wind up with another Republican presidential candidate. … How about the Detroit Lions? I take back everything bad I’ve said. See, it was tough love. They're now undefeated, 4-0. I'll tell you, it is a completely different experience at Lions games this year. Like now, when a player for the Lions jumps into the stands, he's not trying to escape anymore. He's celebrating. … I was listening to these analyst guys, and the experts say the NFL is a copycat league. They say once you see something new, all the other teams try and copy it. You know, I think that's true. Like last Sunday, after Tony Romo gave away the game for Dallas, Mark Sanchez did the same thing to the Jets. … Denmark has become the first country to charge a fat food tax. It's a huge tax on butter, milk, cheese, meat and oil. So as we call that here, the Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast. … The Texas state climatologist announced that the record drought of 2011 could last until 2020. That's nine years. That would be the second longest dry spell in history, if you don't count the Chicago Cubs. … The No. 1 movie in the country is ‘Dolphin Tale.’ That just goes to show you how well dolphins can do if they just don't play football” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 10/4).
LATE NIGHT LAUGHS:
Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Reasons Chris Christie Is Not Running For President” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/4).
10) “As always, he’s following his gut.”
9) “Wants to spend more time with pie.”
8) “Learned there isn’t a Quiznos within five miles of the White House.”
7) “Afraid of going up against the Newt Gingrich juggernaut.”
6) “Doesn’t own a tie without a mustard stain.”
5) “He was advised against it by his closest confidant, Duncan Hines.”
4) “Constitution requires every candidate be able to see their feet.”
3) “Can’t understand response because of chewing.”
2) “Hank Williams Jr. just compared him to Stalin.”
1) “He was born in Kenya.”
Time Magazine's 
