Top Ten....Cult Of Personality

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Signs You’re In A Lame Cult.” Letterman said the “Church of Scientology has come out against the film ‘Going Clear’” on HBO, which said “it’s a cult” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/30).

10) “Claims its teaching can help you live up to 65 years.”
9) “Its motto is Latin for ‘We accept Visa and MasterCard.’”
8) “There's no weird naked stuff.”
7) “It's not a cult so much as it is a carpool.”
6) “Claims Jennifer Lawrence as a member, but it's really just one member named Jennifer and another named Lawrence.”
5) “Founded by L. Ron Howard.”
4) “’Headquarters’ is a Red Lobster.”
3) “Mostly about selling Mary Kay Cosmetics.”
2) “It's called ‘Greg's Holy Church of Letting Greg Sleep With Your Wife.’”
1) “The only way out is death or two-weeks written notice.”