Top Ten....Best Of The Best

Friday night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Entries of 2013.” Letterman said, “We have culled the best Top Ten entries of the ‘Top Ten List’ 2013” (“Late Show,” CBS, 12/20).

10) “Your first baseman is so fat, he’s also your second baseman.”
9) “We didn’t have to, but we shaved you.”
8) “The waiter’s in the kitchen giving the maid of honor a sausage slam.”
7) “Oops, we’re related.”
6) “Help me, Canadian Jesus!”
5) “This time you be the Kaiser.”
4) “Piersing your Morgan.”
3) “When I say, ‘Hold the pickles,’ I’d actually like to hold the pickles.”
2) “Teeth out is another twenty.”
1) “You try and keep track of every needle that goes in your ass.”