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Volume 24 No. 113
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Top Ten....Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Last night's Top Ten list was "Top Ten Bad Press Conference Opening Lines." Letterman said, "Anthony Weiner held a press conference on Tuesday to address new allegations of his sexting" ("Late Show," CBS, 7/25).

10) "Allow me to introduce the entire Danger family."
9) "My pants will be arriving shortly."
8) "Does this look like a bullseye rash?"
7) "It was never my intention to get caught."
6) "I'd like to thank my wives for standing here beside me."
5) "I'll keep this short because I need to flee the country."
4) "I am so high right now."
3) "Florida law says: If I don't like your questions, I can shoot you."
2) "I thought I said no fat chicks."
1) "Look at you sorry sons of bitches."