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Volume 24 No. 112
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Laugh Track....Blade Server

South African sprinter Oscar Pistorius appeared on NBC’s “The Tonight Show” last night and said he played golf with U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps this weekend in Scotland. Pistorius said Phelps “had the longest putt ever recorded on TV” and added, “Sorry Mike, you’re not the greatest golfer, but that was an amazing putt.” Pistorius said as he was getting ready to run in the London Games, “you walk out onto the track and there’s 100,000 people seated there and it’s very strange, you can hear a lot of the voices in the stadium.” After doing a practice run before the race, Pistorius said he was in a “very serious, stressed-out mindset and this guy screamed from the stands, ‘Oh, you sexy thing!’ But I think he was really drunk because he was slurring.” Fellow guest and actor Tyler Perry said, “That’ll make you run.” Pistorius added, “Immediately, I started laughing and then after about 20 seconds of laughing, I’m like, ‘Oscar, you’re running in the Olympics. You can’t be laughing right now. You need to focus’” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 10/9).

IndyCar driver Helio Castroneves appeared on ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” last night after being eliminated from ABC’s “DWTS” with his dance partner, Chelsie Hightowner, and fellow eliminated celebrity Drew Lachey. Kimmel introduced them with, “Here tonight to cry on each other's spray-tanned shoulders…” Castroneves said appearing on the show again was a “great opportunity. I enjoyed it.” Despite Bristol Palin receiving the lowest scores, she survived the last two eliminations, and Kimmel asked, “Are you worried because her mother has a shotgun?” Castroneves: “It's part of the show. Some people like controversy.” Castroneves said the Mirrorball Trophy for winning “DWTS” is “right beside my three Indy trophies” (“Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC, 10/9). After beiong eliminated, Castroneves said, “I want to actually thank Team Penske and Indy Racing League as well to let me do this” (“DWTS,” ABC, 10/9).

NBC’s Jay Leno: “Despite losing again last night, New York Jets coach Rex Ryan says he is sticking with Mark Sanchez as his quarterback and not switching to Tim Tebow, and the whole team seemed happy with that. The whole team was thrilled with that. Not the Jets. The Colts, the team they're playing next week. … It has happened once again. A former high school English teacher who also worked as a Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader will accept a plea deal on charges she had sex with a 17-year-old male student. She's a cheerleader and had sex with a 17-year-old male student or as the kid calls it, fantasy football. … According to the University of Notre Dame, tailgating goes back to ancient Greece. Well, that's what they said. But you know, you get the feeling in ancient Greece, tailgating with your buddies meant a whole different thing. … On Saturday – this is an unbelievable story, rugby is a tough sport – a British rugby player ruptured one of his testicles just after the second half started. He wound up playing the rest of the game, played the rest of the game before going to the hospital to have the testicle removed. What kind of nut job is that guy?” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 10/9).

CBS’ David Letterman: “Here's a sign that it's autumn in New York: Alex Rodriguez striking out with bases loaded. … It's all tied up in the playoffs for division, the Yankees and the Orioles, one game apiece. Yankees got beat by the Orioles yesterday, but the Yankees are smart. That's a good club. That's a veteran (club) and you know what they're saying? The loss to Baltimore – the Yankees, this is how shrewd they are, this will get in the heads of the Orioles, this is the kind of thing they'll be thinking about. Yankees are saying they lost because of the altitude” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/9).