Michael Phelps appeared on NBC’s “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” last night and host Jimmy Fallon said, “I know you probably talked about this a zillion times, but it just boggles my mind. It's like, you have to eat 12,000 calories?” Phelps: “Thank you for still talking about that.” Fallon: “But it's just a fascinating thing.” Phelps said “it’s not real” and added, “I've never eaten that much, ever. It's like impossible to eat that much.” Fallon: “But why did you say this to people?” Phelps: “I didn't say it. Someone else said it.” Fallon asked about swim technology and the swim cap, “They make them like extra oily these days? Does that help you? It's an advantage, right? Does hair come into play?” Phelps: “We always have caps.” Fallon: “Do you shave your chest?” Phelps: “Of course.” Fallon replied, “Here's a good gag. You come out with a crazy moustache, chest hair flying out, medallions, eating a pizza. You go, ‘Hey, I'm ready for London, you guys, let's do this.’” The end of the interview featured Phelps and Fallon playing Phelps’ videogame “Push the Limit” for Xbox 360 (“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon,” NBC, 10/12).
Boxers Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko appeared on NBC’s “Last Call With Carson Daly” last night and host Carson Daly said, “The Klitschko brothers, who for the past 15 years, have just had an incredible reign on the world of professional boxing. Combined, they are 99 wins to only five defeats. They were both in L.A. recently talking up their new documentary, appropriately entitled ‘Klitschko.’” Vitali said the documentary is “about two boys nobody believed could be world champions.” Wladimir: “It's pretty cool to have a sibling that is not just a sibling, but is also a partner and teammate because we are in the same business. Our mom is not a big fan of boxing at all, and she's not taking it real easy” (“Last Call With Carson Daly,” NBC, 10/13).
MONOLOGUES:
CBS’ David Letterman: “You visit New York City, you go down to Wall Street, have you seen the protesters down there? I finally figured out what the deal is: They're after rich people. And people with money are scared silly. As a matter of fact, you know Regis Philbin? Regis has all the money, you know. On his program today he was using Kelly as a human shield. And Mayor Bloomberg, guy's got a lot of dough, scared silly. They found him hiding in his briefcase. … Our guest tonight is President Bill Clinton, very popular president here in the United States. And I was thinking about this, President Clinton is maybe something we'll never see again: A two-term Democrat. … The Iranians were going to attack an embassy and kill a bunch of Saudi Arabians, and you know the Iranians, they're always pulling stuff like this. They're always causing trouble. You know what I'm talking about? Remember on ‘Dancing With The Stars’, that Nancy Grace is dancing around and her dress fell apart? Iranians. … Ladies and gentlemen, here's good news for the New York Knicks: The first two (weeks) of the NBA canceled. Players have until midnight to finalize their tattoos. … Earlier tonight, Spike Lee was heckling ‘The Lion King.’ It's crazy. … This is kind of sad. They are saying now that President Obama doesn't have any friends, has no close friends, and he says he's aware of this. But the problem is he can't get Congress to approve one. Next weekend he thinks he's going to try Ted Danson, so that will be good. … How about that Governor Chris Christie from New Jersey, huh? He has endorsed Mitt Romney. It’s interesting, I think the last thing that Christie endorsed was the Hardee’s Monster Thick Burger” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/12).
NBC’s Jay Leno: “Iran was going to use members of a Mexican drug cartel to kill the Saudi Arabian Ambassador on U.S. soil. They didn't want to use Mexican hit men, but they were willing to work for half the price of the Americans. … This shows you how connected the world is: When Iranian agents talk to a Mexican cartel about assassinating a Saudi ambassador on U.S. soil in a French restaurant in order to undermine an American president whose father was from Kenya and whose mother was from Kansas, you can't get more international than that. … Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. In a speech yesterday, Chris Christie said, ‘President Obama is shrinking the American pie,’ and believe me, if there's one thing Chris Christie hates, it's a small pie. He will not stand for a small pie. … The trial of the underwear bomber began this week. Today, he pled guilty. Thank you, because up to this point, he was the alleged underwear bomber. The guy had a bomb in his underpants. Is that really alleged? I mean, when you're putting your shirttail in, you didn't notice that big clump of C-4? … A Massachusetts family called 911 yesterday after getting lost in a corn maze. They were 25-feet from the exit, and they had to call the cops to come get them. Are we becoming a nation of wussies or what? This week, we celebrate Christopher Columbus sailing across the ocean to discover a new world, and we get lost in a corn maze. … According to Reuters, there is a secret panel of senior government officials in Washington, DC, who can order the killing of any American anywhere in the world anytime they want. That's not new. Those are called HMOs. Okay, we've had them for years” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 10/12).
LATE NIGHT LAUGHS:
Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Reasons Chris Christie Endorsed Mitt Romney” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/12).
10) “Romney sounds like pastrami.”
9) “Perry wouldn’t let him fry eggs on the Texas electric chair.”
8) “Two liters of Shop Rite root beer and a king-size Snickers did the trick.”
7) “If elected, Romney said he’d overturn rule requiring enormous people to buy extra airplane seat.”
6) “Needed something to do between lunch and second lunch.”
5) “Acting on direct orders from Colonel Sanders.”
4) “It was a close call between him and Rick Santorum – just kidding.”
3) “Mistook Mitt’s repeated ‘bi-partisan’ references to mean two kinds of cheese.”
2) “Movie star good looks – who could resist?”
1) “Only other options were the nutjob, the crackpot, the pizza dude, and Newt.”
