Tennis player Novak Djokovic appeared on TBS’ “Conan” last night, where he and host Conan O’Brien discussed Djokovic’s Head commercial that features him playing tennis on the wing of a biplane. O’Brien said it “was an insane stunt.” Djokovic said his racquet company, Head, “called me and they told me it's going to be crazy, something that nobody has ever done before. ... I'm coming there and the guy goes, ‘Well, we have this 1954 plane right here, manufactured in Russia. They brought it here especially for you.’ ‘So what I'm going to do with the plane?’ ‘Well, you're going to play a little tennis on the wings.’ So I think, ‘Okay, it's not going to be that hard, right? You’re going to play there, you’re just going to try.’ So I'm there with the snowboard boots -- I’m all fixed up -- and next thing you know we are on the runway. So I go, ‘Okay, they're trying to shoot.’ We're playing tennis. We’re just trying to toss the ball to each other. There’s another guy on the other wing. Next thing you know, it takes off! I’m like, ‘Wait, wait, wait!!!’” O’Brien: “Novak, you have a terrible agent.” After watching the commercial, Djokovic said, “Whoever wants to become a tennis player, I advise you not to do that” (“Conan,” TBS, 8/3).
MONOLOGUES:
CBS’ David Letterman: “New York City has been chosen in the entire world the most walkable city. I think it's true because last night right here in the theater, we had 500 people who couldn't wait to walk out. … Six million people have moved out of New York City in the last ten years. I put some thought into this. You know why I think? Not enough Duane Reades. … A woman in New Jersey, she worked at Dunkin' Donuts and she was actually in the drive-through window selling sex for money. Maybe you're like me, you walk into Dunkin' Donuts and there's always that sex vibe in the air. You gotta give this woman a lot of credit. It takes a lot of guts to be a hooker in a place that's always full of cops. This prostitute at Dunkin' Donuts, for 50 bucks, she'd glaze your éclair. … There's a new article in the New Yorker magazine about the Seal Team 6. Remember when they went in to get Osama Bin Laden? They broke into that compound over there. They went in there and the order was to get him dead, to shoot him, to get rid of him right there. And they shot him once in the head and once in the chest and here's the part I didn't know: Plaxico Burress runs in, shoots him in the leg. … The article in the New Yorker magazine said Osama Bin Laden -- and a lot of people like to know this -- what were his last words? ‘Come in!’ … They took a poll and they said, ‘Folks, what do you think of the way your Congress behaved during the debt crisis?’ Here were the top responses: Disgusting, stupid and ridiculous. Now, we would also have accepted gutless, cowardly, and bull…” (“Late Show,” CBS, 8/3).
NBC’s Jay Leno: “Yesterday, President Obama signed that new debt bill into law. It doesn't really solve the problem. Economists say in ten years, the deficit will be $27 trillion. In ten years, that'll be President Bieber's problem. … You can tell this bill that President Obama signed was not popular with the Democrats either because he signed it in private. There was no photographer at all. Obama had to press the timer and then run back to his desk. … A new study has found that Washington D.C. residents were the top abusers of alcohol, cocaine and marijuana. But to be fair, if you had to sit through an entire season of Redskins football, you'd need to take the edge off too. … The FBI has revealed the identity of famed hijacker D.B. Cooper. They say his real name is L.D. Cooper. No wonder we couldn't identify him for 40 years. He changed two letters. They think he's either dead or he's been living the past 40 years next to the Pakistan Military Academy. … The market is dropping faster than Meatloaf during a concert. The economy is so bad, today I saw the Tooth Fairy dumpster-diving behind the dentist's office. The economy is so bad in Beverly Hills, Spago's is now a Denny's. People are giving blood just to get the free juice and cookies. The economy is so bad, Wal Mart is now selling toys from China with imitation lead in them. …. In Omaha, Nebraska, police shut down a four-year-old girl's lemonade stand because she didn't have the necessary licenses and permits. In response, the girl moved her entire operation to India. … The Cheesecake Factory is now offering a new low calorie ‘skinny-licious’ menu. Skinny-licious, as opposed to their old menu that was fat-tastic” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 8/3).
LATE NIGHT LAUGHS:
Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Least Popular Ice Cream Flavors.” Letterman: “Ice cream is an $11 billion-a-year retail industry, $11 billion in this country. Ice cream. Doesn't that make you feel good?” (“Late Show,” CBS, 8/3).
10) “Snooki & Cream.”
9) “Boehner Orange Swirl.”
8) “Mustachio.”
7) “Chubby Huckabee.”
6) “Smurf Chunk.”
5) “Rocky Road to Economic Recovery.”
4) “Frozni Mubarak.”
3) “Mint Chocolate Tick.”
2) “Banana Schwarzenegger Shriver Split.”
1) “Michelle Obama's Low Fat, No Sugar Added, Gluten-Free Obesity Initiative Sorbet.”
