ESPY Awards host Seth Meyers took some shots at locked-out leagues, the Dodgers and an NBA sponsor in the opening monologue of last night's telecast on ESPN. Meyers: "It’s so nice to be at the Nokia, one of the few buildings in America that hasn’t locked out athletes. … Blake Griffin won the Slam Dunk contest this year by jumping over a Kia, an example of the most exciting dunk over the least exciting car. Nothing says NBA action like an affordable family sedan. … The proceeds from tonight’s show go to a very worthy charity: The Los Angeles Dodgers of America. … Frank McCourt told Matt Kemp, ‘Have fun tonight,’ and then added, ‘If they have any ketchup packets, grab as many as you can, because we have run out of ketchup.’ … The Dodgers are so broke, three of their players tested positive for Ramen Noodles."
More from the monologue: "Now it would be easy for me to stand up here and make fun of LeBron and the Miami Heat, so here it goes: LeBron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade refer to themselves as ‘The Big Three’ in honor of how many quarters they play. … Congratulations to the Dallas Mavericks for finally bringing an NBA championship to the city of Cleveland. … Congratulations to Mavs Owner Mark Cuban. I think we can all agree it’s nice when good things happen to loud billionaires. … Shaq retired after he couldn’t recover from a calf injury. Man, if only there was a magical, rapping genie who could somehow grant him one more wish. … In other NBA news, Kim Kardashian is getting married to New Jersey Net Kris Humphries. Asked why she picked a New Jersey Net, Kim said that she was tired of dating pro athletes. … The Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup, and I think we can all agree it was great for the people of Boston to get another thing they can drink out of" (“2011 ESPYs,” ESPN, 7/14).
The ESPYs drew its share of criticism on Twitter last night. SI’s Richard Deitsch wrote on Twitter, “Colin Cowherd sized up Justin Bieber as ‘centered’ and ‘so real’ after a five-minute red carpet interview. The ESPYs are glorious.” “Late Show” writer Eric Stangel: “The montage of nominees for the Best Breakthrough Athlete Award was longer than a Sportscenter broadcast.” The Wall Street Journal’s Jason Gay: “The ESPYs are God's way of telling you to read a book.” However, Fox Sports’ Ives Galarcep wrote, “LOVE seeing Arizona State wrestler Anthony Robles be honored at the ESPYs. He's an inspiration to ALL people, not just athletes.”
