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Volume 24 No. 156
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   "Well, he always had success with guys who had one glove." 
 -- ESPN's Keith Olbermann, on lawyer Robert Shapiro's reported
   interest in buying the Dodgers ("SportsCenter," ESPN, 1/8).

  "Now that everyone has shown me the money, I just want to eat
             Hersheys, wear Reebok and drink Pepsi."
-- Lance Alstodt, after kicking a 35-yard field goal to win $1M
the "Hershey's $1 Million Pro Bowl Kick" ("Pro Bowl," ABC, 2/2).

"All you guys at CNN/SI are doing a great job." -- Arli$$' Robert
     Wuhl, to ESPN's Chris Myers at the ESPYs (ESPN, 2/10).

"You've got to clean house because you've got a dirty, stinking,
messy house." -- 76ers fan to team President Pat Croce, during a
meeting with season-ticket holders (PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER, 2/21).

  "This is very embarrassing for us.  We blew it and there's no
excuse.  We name about 150 new shoes a year, and this one got by
 us." -- A Reebok spokesperson, on naming a women's running shoe
"Incubus," which is defined by dictionaries as "An oppressive or
nightmarish burden" and contains sexual connotations (ABC, 2/18).

"St. Thomas Aquinas I'm not, and never have I pretended to be." 
-- Bobby Knight, on his image ("InterNight," MSNBC, 3/4). 
                    "Make me look good, OK?" 
 -- Ravens Owner Art Modell, to the BEACON-JOURNAL's David Adams
    at the end of an interview (AKRON BEACON JOURNAL, 3/16).

  "I'll tell you what Clinton didn't trip over at Greg Norman's
         house -- he didn't trip over a green jacket!" 
-- Columnist Tony Kornheiser, on President Clinton's knee injury
      sustained at Norman's house (WASHINGTON POST, 3/18).

  "I'd like to thank Rado, but I can't because I'm sponsored by
  Omega." -- Martina Hingis, following her victory at the Rado-
          sponsored Lipton Championships (THE DAILY). 

  "Don't raise your child to be an athlete.  No, as we worship
  before Fenway Park's new Coke bottle, pray it is your kid who
 figures out a fresh, new and original way for sports to make a
         buck." -- Frank Deford (ESPN SportsZone, 4/3).

  "I'd like to bring some of my closest friends and then invite
Hillary and Bill in there and see if they can really party down.
 ... I think Hillary can be an animal, but Bill is a little bit
 too conservative." -- Dennis Rodman, on spending a night at the
              White House (CHICAGO SUN-TIMES, 4/4).

                   "I don't fight for free." 
-- Oscar De La Hoya, asked if he has ever fought outside the ring
                  ("Tonight Show," NBC, 4/8). 

 "If he were on fire, he couldn't act as if he were burning.  He
  can't out-act me on the big screen." -- Shaquille O'Neal, on
          Dennis Rodman, the actor (L.A. TIMES, 4/11).

"It wasn't only about race, it wasn't only about youth, it wasn't
only about power.  The human tidal wave that crashed around Woods
this week came in all colors, in all ages, sizes and strengths."
 -- ESPN's Jimmy Roberts, on Tiger Woods' victory at The Masters
                  ("SportsCenter," ESPN, 4/13).

                   "Well, in hindsight, yes." 
   -- Callaway Golf Founder & Chair Ely Callaway, asked if he
    regretted not signing Tiger Woods to an endorsement deal
                    ("Moneyline," CNN, 4/14).

     "Throughout its long history, Major League Baseball has
operated under the premise that no single person is bigger than 
the game -- no single person other than Jackie Robinson."
       -- MLB Acting Commissioner Bud Selig (ESPN, 4/15).

"When the cameras are on, Michael's smiling because he knows he's
gonna make another $60 million in endorsements.  But if he's got
a problem with you, he'll catch you after the game, and he'll put
you right on your ass."  -- The Nets' Jayson Williams, on Michael
    Jordan, in an excerpt from his diary in GQ (6/97 issue).

           "He who controls sports, controls it all." 
-- Media baron Lionel Powers, played by Gabriel Byrne, in the HBO
   Pictures presentation "Weapons of Mass Distraction" (HBO).

    "You know that the world of professional boxing is on its
    proverbial death bed when the loquacious Don King is left
 speechless." -- Columnist D. Orlando Ledbetter, on fallout from
 the Evander Holyfield-Mike Tyson fight, which was stopped when
            Tyson bit a piece of Holyfield's ear off 
               (MILWAUKEE JOURNAL SENTINEL, 6/29).

 "Fifteen-thousand-five-hundred is very credible, except for the
  fact that this idiot went out and said his goal was 20,000." 
   -- MLS Commissioner Doug Logan, on MLS's average attendance
    compared to his preseason projections (N.Y. TIMES, 7/9).

   "I wish him the best of luck and welcome to the fray.  But
I wonder what happens when he realizes that some of these kids he
    has to deal with, will make O.J. Simpson look like Mother
    Theresa." -- Agent Keith Glass, on Johnnie Cochran, who 
   became a registered sports agent (Newark STAR-LEDGER, 8/5).

 "There's no question I'm unpopular, and I felt I needed to get
  away.  So I got in my car and I pulled up to a Motel 6.  They
   turned the light off."  -- White Sox Chair Jerry Reinsdorf,
       noting criticism he's received, at a charity roast
                   (CHICAGO SUN-TIMES, 8/12).

 "Did I ever imagine someone turning down that kind of money?  I
      never imagined offering someone that kind of money." 
-- Timberwolves Owner Glen Taylor, on the six-year, $103.5M offer
 turned down by Kevin Garnett (Minneapolis STAR TRIBUNE, 8/13).

"My dream is to be an evangelist.  That's my calling.  I am Deion
  Sanders.  I am Prime Time.  The words I speak go a long way. 
          They go places pastors and bishops can't go."
          -- Deion Sanders (DALLAS MORNING NEWS, 8/22).

 "In some ways we are competition.  But that is the best type of
 competition you can have.  You are competing with your brother 
 instead of competing with the enemy.  I am pretty sure Nike is
not going to worry about us until we get in second place." 
  -- Michael Jordan, on his Jordan line being competitors with
           Nike's main brand (CHICAGO TRIBUNE, 9/10).

 "I told my Dad I could have done some things better this year,
  and he agreed with me." -- WNBA L.A. Sparks President Johnny
Buss, who will return as team president despite projected losses
        between $250,000 and $350,000 (L.A. TIMES, 9/10).

 "There's a lot to be said about getting older.  The alternative
     is worse.  Life is nice, particularly if you have your
             own plane and your own baseball team." 
           -- Ted Turner (ATLANTA CONSTITUTION, 9/16).

"I think we get a three year honeymoon here.  That means we don't
have to win for three years." -- Hurricanes Owner Peter Karmanos,
 on the team's stay in Greensboro before moving to its new arena
             in Raleigh (CHARLOTTE OBSERVER, 10/15).

   "Michael Jordan is in Paris.  That's better than the Pope. 
  It's God in person."  -- The lead of French newspaper France-
        Soir's story on Michael Jordan's visit to Paris 
                   (CHICAGO SUN-TIMES, 10/16).

   "Heck, Barney is a dinosaur, too.  The NBA could argue that
              Barney is infringing on them, too." 
    -- "Wraptors" restaurant Owner David Debono, on any logo
   infringement against the NBA Raptors (GLOBE & MAIL, 10/23).

"Go in with your eyes wide open about the entertainment industry.
Your word is not your bond, your handshake is not a handshake." 
    -- Former MLBE President Greg Murphy's advice for anyone
      looking to market MLB nationally (BRANDWEEK, 10/27).

  "These rock and roll stars are really getting into golf now,
  which is good, because they've been into drugs for so long." 
   -- Golfer Paul Azinger, after playing in VH1's charity golf
  tournament, "Fairway to Heaven" ("Showbiz Today," CNN, 11/3).

  "At the end of a negotiation, you always think you could've 
gotten more money, but there comes a time to end it and move on"
     -- NBA Commissioner David Stern, after announcing four-
  year TV rights deals with NBC & Turner for a combined $2.64B
                    (N.Y. DAILY NEWS, 11/12).

     "As long as there's money left over, we'll be happy." 
-- NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, on the potential impact the NBA
        TV deals will have on future NHL rights packages 
                      (N.Y. TIMES, 11/13).

"Food stores are offering free groceries, a Chevy dealer in their
town gave them a new van.  And the babies already got job offers
   for when they turn six from a Nike factory in Indonesia." 
               -- Jay Leno, on the IA septuplets 
                  ("Tonight Show," NBC, 11/20).

"I didn't invest in Michael Jordan: The Steakhouse.  No, I've got
     all my money tied up in Hideki Irabu: The Sushi Bar."  
   -- David Letterman, on Michael Jordan's new NYC restaurant 
                   ("Late Show," CBS, 11/25).

  "I don't really know how good I am, but it's nice to get all
  the free stuff." -- 13-year-old Australian tennis player Todd
 Reid, who has signed various endorsement deals worth a reported
                  $350,000 (N.Y. TIMES, 11/30).

     "We recognize that sometimes people step over the line 
        and sometimes they step very far over the line.  
        This one looks --without having all the facts -- 
           that someone went into the stratosphere"  
-- NBA Commissioner David Stern, on Latrell Sprewell's attack on
            coach P.J. Carlesimo (N.Y. TIMES, 12/3).

 "The only thing missing is if FIFA assigns an Iraqi referee." 
-- U.S. Soccer President Alan Rothenberg, on the U.S. playing
Iran in the first round of the World Cup (Mult., 12/5).

"We don't have a violent sport.  We have a contact sport.  We're
 not embarrassed by the amount of contact.  It's a real selling
    point.  I don't see its elimination in the near future" 
-- NHL Senior VP/Dir of Operations Brian Burke (USA TODAY, 12/9).

   "Is 'SportsCenter' still on? You know what I watch, call me
 quirky, I watch the CNN/SI show and that Fox Sports -- they're
                    doing a heck of a job." 
-- Comedy Central and former ESPN anchor Craig Kilborn, asked by
       Keith Olbermann about his sports TV viewing habits 
                 ("The Big Show," MSNBC, 12/10).

 "It's more than a faux paus, I mean, he tried to kill the man."
     -- ABC's Charles Gibson, to NBPA Exec Dir Billy Hunter, 
        after Hunter called Latrell Sprewell's attack on 
         P.J. Carlesimo a "faux paus"  ("GMA," 12/12).