LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN WAYS MLB TEAMS CAN BRING BACK THE FANS:

     10)  New Rule: Catch a foul ball, win the salary of the guy
who hit it.
     9)  All Players must squat like catcher for entire game.
     8)  Remember Babe Ruth?  Well, how's about some more of them
ballplayin' fat dudes?
     7)  Instead of the National Anthem, sing "In-A-Gadda-Da-
Vida" before every game.
     6)  Players can't do drugs unless they bring enough to go
around.
     5)  At the end of bat night fans get to beat the crap out of
the home team.
     4)  For just 3 dollars over the regular season price, you
get to "do it" with the Philly Phanatic.
     3)  Every time a player grabs himself, you hear this (a
slide whistle sound).
     2)  Buy a ticket to a Mets game -- get a free ticket to a
Mets trial!
     1)  9 players, 8 uniforms ("Late Show," CBS, 5/8).