Top Ten....Devil May Care

Last night's Top Ten list was “Top Ten Text Messages From Satan.” CBS’ David Letterman said, “A priest in Poland claims the devil has been sending him evil text messages. Some of the evil text messages include, ‘Shut up, Preacher,’ ‘Idiot.’ He’s been getting some of my mail" ("Late Show," CBS, 7/17).

10) “Do you smell something not burning?”
9) “OMG -- Just took a selfie with Mickey Rooney.”
8) “My only regret is starting the ‘Real Housewives’ franchise.”
7) “Geez, Putin, dial it down a notch.”
6) “Shane! Come back, Shane!”
5) “I don’t want Rob Ford, you take him.”
4) “Posted some new pictures on ‘Pentagram.’”
3) “Arranging Weird Al’s comeback was exhausting.”
2) “Hang on -- Dick Cheney’s on the other line.”
1) “Sorry about the L.A. Clippers, Don.”