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Laugh Track: Capital Hill

Last night’s edition of NBC’s “The Tonight Show” featured the segment “Pros and Cons of Being Uninvited to the White House.” Host Jimmy Fallon: “As we all know, President Trump recently uninvited the Golden State Warriors from visiting the White House after receiving criticism from Steph Curry. It's drawn a lot of reactions from everyone.”

PRO: “You’re still the best team in the NBA.”
CON: “Or as Trump pronounces it, ‘The Nambia.’”

PRO: “Charles Barkley says Trump’s decision ‘sets a bad precedent.’”
CON: “Trump responding, ‘Who are you calling a bad precedent? I’m the best precedent.’”

PRO: “Steph Curry had already said he didn’t want to go -- then he got uninvited.”
CON: “It’s like when you have dinner plans with that friend that you don’t really like, and you want to cancel but you don’t wanna be rude, and then they cancel. SAH-WEEEET!”

PRO: “The Golden State Warriors won’t be going to the White House.”
CON: “So in a way, they won twice” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 9/27).

ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel: “The president is also doubling down on his war against the NFL. I should probably note Trump has been ranting and raving at football players who choose to kneel during the national anthem to protest racial injustice. He's very opposed to men getting down on a knee and for good reason. Every time he does it he winds up married to a woman who hates his guts. The president called for boycott of teams that allowed these peaceful demonstrations, told people to turn off the TV. By the way, how hilarious is it that Trump supporters now have to stop watching football, bet you didn't see that coming” (“Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC, 9/27).

TBS’ Conan O’Brien: “There are rumors that NFL legend Peyton Manning may run for Senate. … Experts say there's no way that mixing the NFL and politics could possibly go wrong” (“Conan,” TBS, 9/27).

TBS’ Samantha Bee: “It's been a tough couple of weeks for the CSPAN nerds in shrill blue stockings who watch our show. Looks like from now on we have to know about sport and I am here to help. Check me out!” Bee turned around to reveal she was wearing a red jacket with “Kaepernick” on the back. Bee: “Richard Sherman! Heard of him? First things first, sport is played with balls. This one is a basketball and this one, I believe, is a feet ball. I'm sorry, it's a football. … Some of the best basketball players are Michael Jordan, Bill Murray and aliens. Fun fact: O.J. Simpson used to be a football player before he became a symbol of institutional racism and the power of fame. You can impress your jock friends with that bit of trivia. Now you know everything about sport!” (“Full Frontal,” TBS, 9/27).

Last night’s edition of Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” featured host Trevor Noah addressing the unfolding scandal in the NCAA: “When you think of the FBI you probably think of the beef between Trump and Comey. But the Bureau is working on other cases too and yesterday we found out that in the NCAA some coaches are going from basketball courts to the law-judgey place.” When asked what can be done to stop the corruption in college sports, correspondent Michelle Wolf said, “Pay the athletes. Done” (“The Daily Show,” Comedy Central, 9/28).


NBC’s Fallon: “Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino has apparently been fired after a federal investigation for fraud. If he's convicted of any crimes, he could be sentenced to 10 years of coaching the Knicks” (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 9/27).

TBS’ Conan O’Brien said in Patriots QB Tom Brady’s “new book he says that drinking a lot of water prevents sunburn.” O’Brien: “Do not get me wrong. I'm a huge Patriots fan and I'm a Tom Brady fan. I'm from Boston. But that doesn't sound right to me.” At this point, two Patriots fans in the audience took offense and said, “You calling Tom Brady a liar?” (“Conan,” TBS, 9/27). See the full clip.

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