The 25th ESPY Awards were held last night, with Thunder G Russell Westbrook, U.S. gymnast Simone Biles and the Warriors among the big winners. Peyton Manning hosted the event, and the following are some highlights from his opening monologue:
- “This is the ESPYs' 25th anniversary. … Back when this show debuted, Michael Jordan’s Bulls had just won their third consecutive championship, Simone Biles wasn’t even born yet and I still had my original neck.”
- “The ESPYs finally got it right this year, because normally some comedian or entertainer or Matthew Perry comes up here and just tears the athletes to shreds. Okay, I know what some of y'all are thinking: John Cena hosted the ESPYs last year and he's an athlete. John Cena is an athlete the same way that Ryan Lochte is a reliable witness.”
- “Kristaps Porzingis couldn't believe how dysfunctional it is at Madison Square Garden, and that dude grew up in Latvia. What a terrible year for the Knicks. They had to escort a former legend out of the building for acting like a crazy person. Then there was that whole thing with Charles Oakley.”
- “The ‘Final Five’ won the most Olympic medals of any U.S. women's gymnastics team ever, and our gymnastics team was so dominant that Kevin Durant told me he wants to play for them next year.”
- “I know people think that I do too many commercials, but I just want to tell the haters out there, you're not gonna get to me. There's no chance you're gonna make me sweat, not with all the hydrating electrolytes that I get from Gatorade Fierce. Gatorade Fierce: it's the Papa John's of sports drinks” (“ESPY Awards,” ABC, 7/12).
