Top Ten....Pluck Of The Irish

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear In A Bar On St. Patrick’s Day.” Letterman said, “Often, there are things you might not want to hear on this holiday, or perhaps any day, really” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/16).

10) “We’re out of cabbage; I’m using Ficus leaves”
9) “Green beer = antifreeze.”
8) “Why is Robert Durst here?”
7) “Open your copies of ‘Dianetics’ to page 43.”
6) “One more and then I gotta go, the plane won’t fly itself.”
5) “Someone take away Justice Ginsburg’s keys.”
4) “The only thing left on tap is Fresca”
3) “Turn up the volume, I can’t hear ‘Wheel of Fortune.’”
2) “In observance of the holiday, the pub is closed.”
1) “Wake up! It’s March 25th!”