Laugh Track....Damn Yankees

ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel said of the new cast of ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars," “The first openly gay NFL player, Michael Sam, will be dancing this year which is the closest we’ll get to having football on this network” (“Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC, 2/24).

CBS’ David Letterman said, “Alex Rodriguez reported for spring training for the Yankees two days early. Alex Rodriguez, he’s ready to play ball. Here’s the schedule: Tomorrow he has a urine test and the next day he’s suspended for a year. He showed up two days early and they had nothing to do so his lawyers took batting practice. But it was exciting because he hopped out of the limo with his new hot girlfriend, Betty White.” More Letterman: “Some of these guys, they’re athletes. They’re highly paid and skilled. CC Sabathia pitches, weighs 305 pounds. That’s 305 pounds throwing a baseball at you. It seems to me like the Yankees have a bigger offensive line than the Jets” (“Late Show,” CBS, 2/24).