Top Ten....Tough Nut To Crack

Friday night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Signs Your Ex May Be Nuts.” Letterman said, “A woman in California got stuck in a chimney for two hours when she tried to sneak into her ex-boyfriend’s house. The fire department had to be called to get her out and by the way, she was naked” (“The Late Show,” CBS, 1/9).

10) “You told her ‘It's over’ and she said, ‘I do.’”
9) “You're a 'stay at home' type, she's a 'watching you stay at home' type.”
8) “Goes down chimney but doesn't clean out dangerous build-up of creosote.”
7) “Believes Congress will work together to get things done.”
6) “She's never been to Nova Scotia.”
5) “Texts to ask if you got her emails, then emails to ask if you got her texts.”
4) “Throat closes up, skin turns red (oh sorry, that's a sign your ex is allergic to nuts).”
3) “Greenlit a film about assassinating Kim Jong Un.”
2) “Since you broke up, she's dated two White House fence jumpers and a Times Square Elmo.”
1) “Even Taylor Swift thinks she should get over it.”