Top Ten....Soup To Nuts

Friday night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Ways Campbell’s Can Turn Things Around.” Letterman said, “Food industry professionals report that soup sales have declined over the last five years with the Campbell’s Soup Company being particularly hard hit” (“The Late Show,” CBS, 12/12).

10) “Cream of Celery: Goodbye!”
9) “Add latex to soup -- it doubles as paint.”
8) “Commit to one pronunciation of Minestrone.”
7) “Merge with Red Bull, produce high-caffeine energy soup.”
6) “From now on, each can of Chunky Soup has one mystery chunk.”
5) “Launch ad campaign featuring a rambling Matthew McConaughey.”
4) “New premium: Every can containing up to a dollar in loose change.”
3) “Uh ... Clydesdales?”
2) “Put out hit on Chef Boyardee.”
1) “New secret ingredient: Crack.”