NBC’s Jay Leno: “We are three days away from a government shutdown, two days away from a total collapse if you're a New York Giants fan. Now I’m not saying things are going badly for the New York Giants and Eli Manning but today, Miley Cyrus volunteered to twerk Eli just so he could see what an end zone looks like. Speaking of 0-3 teams, to help boost attendance the winless Jacksonville Jaguars are offering fans two free beers if you buy a ticket for this weekend’s game. Two beers? Is that going to be enough to help you forget that you're rooting for the Jacksonville Jaguars? And what happens when they play Denver Broncos? They're going to have to hand out black-tar heroin to get people through that one. … Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced he is retiring after the 2014 season. His 22-year term has been marked by a growth in attendance, growth in revenue and growth in the players’ heads. Well, the last place Houston Astros played a home game on television last week that registered a 0.0 Nielsen rating. Nobody watched the game, which raises the philosophical question: If the Astros play a game and nobody sees it, do they still suck?" (“The Tonight Show,” NBC, 9/27).
CBS’ David Letterman: “I’ll tell you a sure sign that it’s autumn in New York City: The Yankees have gone into hibernation” (“Late Show,” CBS, 9/27).
