Top Ten....Blather On The Green

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Things House Plants Have To Say.” Letterman said “some idiot using a combination of soil sensors and software has developed a new phone app which enables plants – enables plants! – to talk to their owners.” Letterman: “This is why the rest of the world hates us” (“Late Show,” CBS, 2/6).

10) “Watching you eat salad is creepy.”
9) “Please ask the dog to stop ‘watering’ me.”
8) “I had the most amazing photosynthesis last weekend.”
7) “Your wife is sleeping with the UPS guy.”
6) “I'm not going back on tour with Led Zeppelin (Oh, I'm sorry, that's what Robert Plant has to say).”
5) “I absorb the CO2 you exhale – maybe try a breath mint.”
4) “I'd like to thank the people of Colorado and Washington for legalizing me.”
3) “For the love of God, put on some pants.”
2) “With my ass in the dirt all day, I feel like the 49ers defense – hey-o!”
1) “Your cactus is a real prick.”