Comedian Rob Riggle in his ESPY Awards opening monologue last night ribbed famous athletes, team ownership, sports organizations and even an entire city's fan base.
After congratulating the NHL Kings on winning the Stanley Cup, Riggle said, “You know why everybody is clapping, don’t you? L.A. just figured out they have a hockey team.”
Angels 1B Albert Pujols’ performance last year for the Cardinals in the playoffs “led to a multimillion-dollar payday. The only way to make more money in baseball is to bankrupt the Dodgers.”
Kentucky men's basketball "had a hell of a season, capped off by Anthony Davis and five of his teammates being picked in the NBA Draft. So if you’re keeping score at home, that’s six players and eleven eyebrows. … Sorry (Giants P) Brian Wilson, I know you like attention, but unibrows are this year’s creepy beards."
Riggle said of Knicks G Jeremy Lin: "Linsanity! Man, man, what a heartwarming story. It’s so refreshing to see a young, Asian kid graduate from Harvard, move to New York and make a ton of money."
"It makes you wonder why the Saints haven’t re-signed (QB Drew Brees) to a long-term contract. Is it a money thing? Man, if only the Saints had some sort of fund that they could pull extra cash from to reward people for doing things on the field. Nah, I’m talking crazy.”
Riggle said to Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski, “Gronk took a little heat this year for taking a picture with a porn star. You got into trouble for that, by the way. Really NFL? For what? For being the man we all want to be? In my world, that man’s a hero right there. The only thing missing from that picture was an American flag and an astronaut!” (“ESPY Awards,” ESPN, 7/11).
