Every Industrialist in SportsBiz-ville liked sportsbiz a lot...But the GRINCH-dustrialist, quite simply, did NOT!The GRINCH-dustrialist hated sports business, each season!Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.It could be that his head was not screwed on right.It could be, perhaps, that his payroll was too tight. But we think that the most likely reason of allMay have been that his revenues were two sizes too small.Whatever the reason, his payroll or revenues,He stood there pondering Rocker, Lewis and sports business news,Staring down at the Wizards, he noticed a manA President of Basketball Operations named Michael Jordan.Shortly thereafter Vince McMahon would come byStart the XFL. Rush for his share of the pie!And then! Oh, the details! Cheerleaders! Microphones! RAGE!Of these things Vince wondered! ALL THE WORLD IS MY STAGE!Then Vince thought some more, "I need TV rights quick!"With an NBC deal, I'll be in with Saint Dick!"THEN the AFL did something liked least of all!When they canceled the season, brought it back after a stall.Canada's Federal Government tried to lend wingsTo the OILERS! SENATORS! FLAMES, which all needed cha-ching!And Corel! Nortel! Molson ALL SPONSORED THINGS!"Why for eighty-three years the NHL's been in Canada!We MUST keep our teams, so we'll lend a hand to ya! Then CMGI and TD Waterhouse got ideas! Some sponsor ideas!Many big money companies GOT WONDERFUL, SPONSOR IDEAS!"All we need is a stadium..." so the Packers looked around.Asked the Brown County for money, and there it was found.Were the BEARS stopped...? No! Phillips simply said,"If you won't build a new Soldier, We'll remake it instead!"And the NFL Cardinals went to the mats, took on some red tapeTied Proposition 302 to the Arizona ballot's nape.THEN the Rockets loaded some bags, their time in Texas done?To Louisville? To Vegas? But they remained in Houston.Pac Bell! Comerica! Enron! Expos too?What about the Spurs? Marlins? A PNC Park pirate ship? Oooooo!The Twins offered bobbleheads. Shot meat at crowds nimbly,Over in England, they prepared to gut out old Wembley!Many teams were for sale. Would-be owners hedged their bets.While Woody Johnson was dreaming $800M dreams of the JetsMcMullen said he regretted selling the Devils to YankeeNets."This is check number one," Ellman told Burke"If I bring in Gretzky, this thing just might work."Then Glass bought the Royals. The Grizzlies to Heisley.Cuban snared the Mavericks, he invested quite wisely.The Blues to the Lauries, Rogers picked up the Jays.Kroenke netted the Avs and Nuggets after delays.Wang and Kumar bought the Isles, then dined at IHOP."The Red Sox," Harrington sighed, "are the next thing to shop!"The Yankees and MSG continued to push and shoveWould Steinbrenner finally show them some love?Nike's Phil Knight and the University of Oregon tangled!The WRC complained and on and on they wrangled.Twenty-two NTRA tracks defected! JUST QUIT!Somehow or other, Stronach didn't think it all fit!Then Ohlmeyer redid "MNF," brought in Miller for laughterAnd media critics wondered what would happen hereafter.Were floodgates open for Barberie & Mohr, "If so why,"Why are they hiring Minnesota's Governor? WHY?"MLB, called on that Blue-Ribbon Panel in a lickTo look at economics and fix them up quick!"Why, we're in for it," whispered Selig in a sigh,"The game is in trouble, the contracts so high."SFX, Assante and Octagon bought practices, agencies, firmsWhile MVP, Quokka and Total Sports had dot-com squirms.MLS won its lawsuit! Found not to be a monopoly at all!In Philly, Street found teams new places to play ball!NASCAR continued on its track with new deals,Now Helton knows how being in charge feels!Isiah still hasn't sold his CBA, Yet went to the Pacers after delay.He brought in Bob Knight to teach at some practices.After he was hit with Indiana U's axe, that is.The NBA took for the T'Wolves' illegal contract with SmithSuspensions and four draft picks, but not a fifth!To the USOC, Blake came in February, left by fall!Baldwin's their first woman President! Her goals are so tall!Then fifteen time zones away! Way over Down Under,The Games were on tape but still quite a wonder!"Pooh-pooh to the lowest-ever ratings!" Ebersol was humming."They're finding out now that live action's not coming!"They're just waking up! I know what they'll say!"Fox' Subway Series is live and just three weeks away"And Tim Finchem stood, with his cleats on the greens,Stood puzzling and puzzling: "Is Tiger the means?He helps out our ratings! He helps out our purses!"But Tiger's okay, no need to say curses!"And they puzzled three hours, 'till their puzzlers were sore.And Tiger thought they'd soon get to the core!And what happened then...? Well...in SportsBiz-ville they sayPenguins Owner Mario Lemieux decided to come back and play!Then Ellman/Gretzky and Jordan passed their owners' rite,MLB agents saw that their clients' pockets wouldn't be lightAnd they wanted more revenues! Boosted payrolls not the least!And A-Rod...A-ROD HIMSELF...! Sat down for a Texas-sized feast!
