ABC's revamped "MNF" broadcast team made its third
appearance during last night's Packers-Dolphins game from
Pro Player Stadium. In his opening comments on the Dolphins,
Dennis Miller made immediate reference to Samuel Beckett's
"Waiting for Godot" by saying, "Well, Jimmy [Johnson] split
for the Keys, he got sick of waiting for a running back who
might as well [have] been named Godot" ("MNF," ABC, 8/21).
OTHER MILLER-ISMS: Miller, on Dolphins LB Zach Thomas:
"Thomas throws his body around like a Chinese acrobat with
an inner ear problem." Miller, after a punt by the Packers'
Josh Bidwell: "The kicker's not [Cardinals Owner] Bill
Bidwell trying to make a buck, is it? Thought he might have
taken another job there. I know Bill keeps an eye on the
bottom line." Miller, on umpire Phil Luckett: "I'm not
going to comment on Phil Luckett. I've been fined so many
times by the league this year." Miller, on the many field
goal attempts by Dolphins K Olindo Mare: "Mare's going to be
raising his leg more frequently this year than a chihuahua
with a bad bladder." Miller, on the weather in Miami: "Hey
guys, can we get some more humidity down here because I want
to be a piece of algae." Miller, on the 3-0 halftime score:
"As 3-0 games go, this has been the Running Of The Bulls in
Pamplona, a lot of excitement, a lot of swerve." Miller, on
the camera shot from the ump cam: "These are like Oliver
Stone camera shots." Miller, on the woman who took off her
shirt after President Clinton signed it last week in NY,
only to be questioned by the Secret Service. Al Michaels:
"What were they going to charge her with?" Miller: "I think
they were going to charge her with wearing a bra, knowing
the President." Dan Fouts quickly said, "Second down, Al!"
Michaels: "OK, this has been a presentation of ABC Sports,
recognized around the world." Miller, on Dolphins OL Keno
Hills: "Keno Hills? Sounds like where those old blue-haired
ladies in Las Vegas want to be buried." Al Michaels: "I
think by the end of the year, you'll be back on HBO and Dan
and I will be working for [Dolphins Owner Wayne] Huizenga at
Waste Management." When Huizenga was interviewed in the
"MNF" booth, Miller asked him, "Listen, can you do me
anything at Blockbuster? Maybe a 15% card or something."
Miller, on a fan holding a sign that read, "It's Miller
Time": "See, the fan loves me. Or is there a player on the
team named Miller? I'm so narcissistic I immediately
assumed they're talking about me." Miller, on the umpire
using the word "thus" during an explanation of a penalty
call: "That's 'Beowulf.' We're talking the NFL here.
'Thus!'" ("MNF," ABC, 8/21).
FINDING HIS NICHE? In Green Bay, Chris Havel writes
that with a "rather boring, low-scoring game," Miller
"played the hand dealt to him. ... Fortunately for viewers,
Miller was able to add the one element the Packers' offense
could not: Something to laugh about" (GREEN BAY PRESS-
GAZETTE, 8/22). In Palm Beach, Charles Elmore writes that
"whether you like Miller or not -- and I do -- he looks
fantastic compared to sideline reporter Eric Dickerson," who
is "a very bad reporter." Elmore calls Dickerson's sideline
reports last night "stunningly terrible" (P.B. POST, 8/22).
