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Volume 24 No. 112
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Top Ten....The Big Brain On Brad

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Signs You're Not Cut Out To Be A Racecar Driver.” CBS’ David Letterman said, “It’s a tiny, tiny, tiny group of men and women who can drive racecars and drive them successfully and by successfully I mean competitively and safely.” NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion Brad Keselowski presented the Top Ten list on-stage (“Late Show,” CBS, 11/20).

10) “You're only in it for the intensely vibrating seat.”
9) “You’ve always felt that passing other cars is rude.”
8) “Terms of your parole won’t let you leave Delaware.”
7) “All this week you’ve been stockpiling Twinkies.”
6) “Friends know you as ‘Mr. Motion Sickness.’”
5) “You’re existentially opposed to the starting line and the finish line being the same line.”
4) “You know what ‘existentially’ means.”
3) “You don’t like to be rushed.”
2) “You can’t even handle high speed internet.”
1) “More than ten minutes sitting? Crippling ass cramps.”