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Volume 24 No. 112
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LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN WAYS TO FORFEIT A BASEBALL GAME

     10) Have stadium announcer start "outing" players;  9) From
blimp high above field, drop Babe Ruth onto pitcher's mound;  8)
Player's blood-alcohol level higher than their on-base
percentage; 7) Catcher fails to pass local emission standards; 6)
Fans get to third base with players' wives, if you know what I
mean; 5) Being caught wearing the still experimental "Wondercup";
4) Have Dick Assman do all the pitching; 3) New ball girl? Divine
Brown; 2) Ask announcer to introduce you as "the Unabatter"; 1)
Three words:  Bloody glove day ("Late Show," CBS, 8/11).