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Volume 24 No. 158
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     LATE NIGHT:  From last night's "Late Show,"  Letterman's Top
Ten signs that Michael Jordan is out of shape.  10)  Played whole
4th Quarter in a golf cart.  9) Constant interruptions in play
because his loud              wheezing sounds like a whistle.  8)
Now he's only three times as good as the rest of the players.  7)
More fans hurt by stray balls than at a presidential golf
tournament.  6) Indiana Pacers using my mom to guard him.  5)
Every timeout: Two hot dogs and a big wad of cotton candy.  4)
Got winded giving the finger to Reggie Miller.  3) Richard
Simmons followed him home from yesterday's game.  2)  When he
fakes left and moves right, his ass keeps goin' left.  1) The
Gatorade I.V. ("Late Show," CBS, 3/20).
     SPORTS PROGRAMMING:  Frank DeFord discussed Jordan's
comeback on ESPN's "SportsCenter."  DeFord: "Jordan is not just
coming back as a star.  No, he is returning to do the one thing
he never had a chance to do: Ride in on a white horse and rescue
the whole NBA."   DeFord chronicled Jordan's development in the
NBA from the "The Circus Attraction," to "The Endorser," then
"The Champion," "The Patriot" in the Olympics, "The Human Being"
during his father's death, and then as the baseball player,  "The
Dream," and now, "The Comeback" ("SportsCenter," 3/20).  TNT was
granted permission to carry Jordan's first home game, Friday
against the Magic (Rudy Martzke, USA TODAY, 3/21).
     BUSINESS NEWS:  Chiat Day's Marian Salzman says like the
recent surge for Jordan-related stocks, Jordan's ad appeal will
be short-lived:  "You can't go home again"  ("Business Insiders,"
CNBC, 3/20).  In New York, Peter Vecsey notes talk that Jordan's
sponsors (Nike, McDonald's, Gatorade, Sara Lee) were asked to
"ante up" $5M apiece for him to return.  Jordan's agent, David
Falk, responds:  "I was greatly concerned that everyone but
Michael stands to make a huge profit off his return.  We didn't
think it would have been right to ask companies already paying
him to pony up.  Our concern was with others [Vecsey notes, NBC]
who'll get rich off him and aren't paying him" (N.Y. POST, 3/21).
     ENTERTAINMENT SHOWS:  "Extra" reported the ratings for
yesterday's Jordan's return were very high, 1/3 of viewers
nationally, and 2/3 of the TV audience in Chicago.  The show also
filed reports from Jordan's hometown, Wilmington, NC, and his
restaurant in Chicago ("extra," 3/20).