FIFA has suspended Uruguay F Luis Suarez "for nine matches and banned him from any football-related activity for four months" for biting Italy D Giorgio Chiellini during Tuesday’s World Cup match, according to Matt Bonesteel of the WASHINGTON POST. The suspension is "the longest in World Cup history for an on-field incident." He was also fined $112,000 (WASHINGTONPOST.com, 6/26). ESPN FC's Mike Whalley notes FIFA "launched an investigation, and an independent disciplinary panel confirmed the punishment" today (ESPNFC.us, 6/26). ESPN's Alexi Lalas said, "It's hard for somebody to disgrace FIFA, and yet Luis Suarez has found a way to absolutely shame FIFA and have them say, 'This is not acceptable.' I think it's an acceptable fine. I think it's an acceptable ban, the fact that he's not going to play again in the World Cup. Absolutely all of this is acceptable. The image of FIFA and the image of this World Cup in their minds, I think, has taken a hit, so much so they had to act and they had to act immediately" ("SportsCenter," ESPN, 6/26).
LEAVING HIS MARK: Suarez was the hot topic during the late-night talk-show monologues last night. ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel noted Suarez is the "big story of the World Cup right now" and said he either bit Chiellini "or he's a very bad kisser." Kimmel: "Uruguay is claiming the pictures showing bite marks on Chiellini’s shoulder were Photoshopped. The old Photoshop excuse. Has that ever worked even one time? ... The guy’s been suspended twice for biting. If he did it a third time, pull his teeth. Pull his teeth and make a necklace” (“Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC, 6/25). CBS’ David Letterman asked, "How many of you folks have been bitten by a Uruguayan?" He added, "FIFA, the world soccer governing body, says that the guy who did the biting now has to wear one of those dog collars. ... The guy from Uruguay, his name was Luis Suarez, and he bit the guy from Italy, whose name was ‘Al Dente.’" During Letterman's monologue, a "commercial” aired for “Luisporin.” The voiceover stated, “Have you been bitten by Luis Suarez? Then reach for ‘Luisporin,’ the only antibiotic ointment specifically formulated to treat bites from Luis Suarez. Give a red card to red, irritated skin punctures. ‘Luisporin,’ at your local Brazilian Walgreens.” Letterman later read a Suarez-inspired Top Ten list. (“Late Show,” CBS, 6/25).
MIND OVER MOUTH? Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Thoughts Going Through Luis Suarez’s Mind At This Moment.” Letterman said, “These are world-class athletes and beyond. You have world-class athletes and then you have a guy who is a world-class athlete who also bites people. That’s crazy stuff” (“Late Show,” CBS, 6/23).
10) “Hey, I didn’t use my hands.”
9) “Show me in the rules where it says ‘no biting.’”
8) “No one will ever see this.”
7) “This guy’s shoulder hit me in the teeth.”
6) “Mmm…the meat’s so good you don’t need ketchup.”
5) “Were my teeth offsides?”
4) “I’d be crazy not to bite his shoulder?”
3) “This is Uruguayan for ‘I love you.’”
2) “What are they gonna do, kick me out of the tournament?”
1) “Mamma Mia, that’s a spicy soccer player!”
