SBD/Issue 19/Sports Industrialists

"South Park" Premiere Depicts Cartman Becoming A NASCAR Driver

NASCAR Gets The "South Park" Treatment
In Season Premiere Of Comedy Central Show

Comedy Central last night aired the season premiere of "SOUTH PARK," which featured a NASCAR theme. The episode begins with Cartman crying over a homework assignment to write about what he wanted to be when he grows up. Crying in front of his locker, Cartman told Stan and Kyle, "When I grow up I want to be something that I know I can never be, Stan! … I want to be a NASCAR driver, okay? When I see the car races on TV, those loud engines and peely wheels, it's so cool." He added, "I have to face facts: NASCAR is only for poor and stupid people. I don't have what it takes!" The boys later attended the Denver 300, where Dale Evans, driver of the No. 34 Dubois car -- which looked very similar to JEFF GORDON's No. 24 Dupont car -- was tricked out of his car so Cartman could takeover his ride. Before completing one lap, Cartman was racing the wrong way on the track, causing one wreck that forced a car through the trackside catchfence that killed 11 spectators in the crowd, and then wrecking himself in the trackside lake. To become "stupid," Cartman ingested several different Vagisil products that claimed its use "may lead to short-term memory loss." Later, a character named Jeff Hammel, who introduced himself as Vagisil Founder & CEO, appeared at Cartman's house and said, "Your NASCAR stunt has brought a lot of attention to Vagisil. … We realize NASCAR can do a lot for product recognition, and so Vagisil has a little present for you." Outside of Cartman's house was parked the Vagisil No. 5 car, with Hammel asking Cartman to drive in the next race.

TRADIN' PAINT: At the next race, several NASCAR drivers including DALE EARNHARDT JR. (wearing a Bud racing suit), JIMMIE JOHNSON (wearing a Lowe's racing suit), TONY STEWART (wearing an Office Depot racing suit) and DANICA PATRICK (wearing a Go Daddy racing suit) appeared at a press conference where Cartman antagonized them. Cartman: "Bring it on Earnhardt, you scared of the competition? I'm just as poor and stupid as you! I'm gonna drive and I'm gonna go fast and I'm gonna turn to the left sometimes!" Later, Cartman told Butters, "I really think I can hold my own against these guys. A little worried about that Jimmie Johnson guy, though. He seems dumber than spit. And that Danica Patrick chick, whew! We're going to need to get ever poorer and stupider." Kenny, who is a big NASCAR fan, was watching "PTI" which featured the likenesses of ESPN's TONY KORNHEISER and MICHAEL WILBON on-screen, with "Kornheiser" saying, "People who weren't sure what to think of NASCAR are more sure today after a NASCAR driver released bigoted and ignorant statements on his podcast." During the next race, Cartman wrecked several cars during the pace lap and many more during the actual race. At one point, every car except the Vagisil car had crashed, with Hammel noting of the potential victory, "This is such a great day for Vagisil. Our product awareness will be at an all-time high." But Hammel's wife later jumped into Jimmie Johnson's wrecked car and proceeded to wreck the Vagisil car and win the race. Cartman: "I thought I could just waltz onto a racetrack and do what these people do. But … the truth is, I'm just too smart and with how smart I am I'll always be successful and therefore have money. I just have to accept I'm too smart and rich for NASCAR" ("South Park," Comedy Central, 10/6).

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