Red Sox SS NOMAR GARCIAPARRA played himself on NBC's
"Saturday Night Live" in a skit featuring the sex-obsessed MA
teenagers, Sully (JIMMY FALLON) and Denise (RACHEL DRATCH).
Garciaparra was dating Sully's sister, Bernadette, played by
guest host KATE HUDSON. As usual, Sully wore a
Garciaparra/Red Sox batting jersey. When "Nomah" entered
the room, Sully and Denise said they were "wicked" excited to
see him. Sully: "Bernadette, [you] have brought honah to
the Sullivan house." Denise: "Sully, don't look directly at
him. He's got a heart murmuh." Garciaparra, to Denise, Pat
and Bernadette: "I'm not a superhero. I'm a person, just
like you are. And you too can be as successful as I am as
long as you stay in school and follow your dreams. Now get
out of here so I can make out with your sister." Before
leaving, Denise tells Bernadette, "You should totally try to
get pregnant [by Garciaparra]. You'd get a wicked cute baby
and a fat check every month." Before leaving, Sully asked
Garciaparra, "But Nomah, I'll have nothing to remember you
by." Garciaparra: "I'll give your sister a couple of
souvenir balls" ("SNL," NBC, 10/14). "SNL" execs called
Garciaparra's agents on Thursday, and on Friday "he was off
to New York for rehearsals" (BOSTON HERALD, 10/14).
N.Y. STORIES: On the "Late Show," CBS' David Letterman
offered his "TOP TEN SIGNS NEW YORK HAS BASEBALL FEVER."
Among the highlights: No. 9) Teams are doing so well, HILLARY
CLINTON split on whom to pretend to root for. No. 8)
Inscription on Statue of Liberty reads, "Give me your tired,
your poor, your huddled masses and we'll beat them in a best-
of-seven series." No. 7) Sirens on ambulances play "We Will
Rock You." No. 6) MAYOR GIULIANI using "baseball fever" as
excuse to spray city with toxic chemicals. No. 5) More
school absence notes mentioning "torn rotator cuff." No. 2)
Hookers offering baseball special: for $100 they'll be the
Yanker and you can be the Yankee. No. 1) Upsurge in newborns
named "KNOBLAUCH" ("Late Show," CBS, 10/13).