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LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN WAYS TO FORFEIT A BASEBALL GAME
Published August 14, 1995
10) Have stadium announcer start "outing" players; 9) From blimp high above field, drop Babe Ruth onto pitcher's mound; 8) Player's blood-alcohol level higher than their on-base percentage; 7) Catcher fails to pass local emission standards; 6) Fans get to third base with players' wives, if you know what I mean; 5) Being caught wearing the still experimental "Wondercup"; 4) Have Dick Assman do all the pitching; 3) New ball girl? Divine Brown; 2) Ask announcer to introduce you as "the Unabatter"; 1) Three words: Bloody glove day ("Late Show," CBS, 8/11).